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SARASOTA, FL—Saying that the plump liquid center had been broken and was trickling warm yellow goo on all sides, a report released Thursday found that, oh, fuck yeah, an egg yolk was dripping all over a sandwich.RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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Moments of loss will increase in frequency, a sorrowful reality for music fans clinging to fond memories spurred by songs, especially as the political climate appears increasingly grim.The stars indeed look very different today, but at least music lovers can gaze upon them together, with a common soundtrack that will never die.CHICAGO—Establishing a grueling pace he will be unable to keep up indefinitely, local man Gabe Fellman has set an unsustainable precedent of saying hello to his coworker every morning, sources confirmed Wednesday.That’s what makes Bowie, Prince, and Cohen so unique, and it’s also what makes their losses so profound. Putting on a specific song can make you feel young again or make you fall in love again, make you feel invincible or vulnerable. Bowie, Prince, and Cohen felt indestructible; their flames would surely burn longer and brighter than ours.But that feeling, as special as it is, is only temporary. Seeing them extinguished was a shock few were prepared for, no matter how many warning signs had surfaced.The songs and albums these artists gifted the world are inextricably linked to significant moments in our lives.

Once you’ve taken them to heart, these songs — their indelible melodies, insightful lyrics, and catchy hooks — can instantly transport you back to a school dance, a house party, a first car, a college dorm.

In the case of Prince, there was the emergency plane landing six days prior to his death, and Bowie and Cohen all but predicted theirs with powerful farewell albums.

Through their music, all three legends challenged listeners to think — think of the world, think of love, think of sex, think of ourselves — in bold new ways.

Three months earlier, when we lost Bowie, tribute shows began popping up all around the Twin Cities. Falling in love with music is often a solitary experience — quiet contemplation at the altar of your home stereo or blissfully losing yourself in a pair of headphones.

The international outpouring of grief for Bowie, Prince, and Cohen, however, provided proof that we weren’t alone in our anguish or our admiration.

BOSTON—Tallying various efforts to act natural and pretend everything was fine, a study published Wednesday by researchers at Boston University found that the average American hopes no one saw that 12 times per day.